


is there such thing as an end without a start?

by cute_lil_fluff



Series: svt requests: december '18 - january '19 [9]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 03:04:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17275892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cute_lil_fluff/pseuds/cute_lil_fluff
Summary: They're having a good time. Sure, everyone's pretty tired and quiet, but no one's having a bad time. At least, they didn't think so. Until Seokmin suddenly stopped dancing in the middle of his solo part in 'Clap' and covered his face with his hands, letting out the smallest sob.





	is there such thing as an end without a start?

Seokmin cries during dance practice. Now, it's true that Seokmin is an emotional person, he tears up at a lot of things, but he's never teared up because of rehearsal. He's their constant source of energy, he always enjoys practice, especially when it's as informal as this. They're just in the studio, in their usual room, running through some of their old songs to get used to them again. They're not filming, they're not learning something new, they're not trying to impress their manager- it's just them.

They're having a good time. Sure, everyone's pretty tired and quiet, but no one's having a bad time. At least, they didn't think so. Until Seokmin suddenly stopped dancing in the middle of his solo part in 'Clap' and covered his face with his hands, letting out the smallest sob.

No one really knows what to do, everyone frozen in a circle around the crying boy, taken completely off guard.

Chan shakes it off pretty quickly, approaching Seokmin to pull him into a hug, his head falling onto the younger's shoulder. Chan strokes his back and meets Junhui's eyes over his shoulder- he looks just as confused as Chan feels. Seokmin trembles in his arms and Chan shushes him gently, short nails scratching at the back of his neck. When Chan looks to Junhui again, he steps forward, hands outstretched to rest on either side of Seokmin's ribcage, hugging him from behind.

"What's going on, sunshine?" Junhui asks, pressing a kiss to the notch at the top of his spine. He's warm and sweaty from dancing, but Jun doesn't let it phase him. "What's got you so upset?"

"I'm no good," Seokmin says, words muffled against Chan's shoulder, his voice barely a whine in the back of his throat.

"No, Minnie, that's not true. Why would you say that? You're so good." Junhui protests as Seokmin moves a hand to press against his own chest.

"I was watching a performance from last year, and people were saying-"

"You were reading the comments again?" Chan cuts in, lifting his head to look down at Seokmin's face, mouth pulling into a frown. He hates seeing Seokmin cry, he's supposed to be smiling. "You know you only end up reading the bad ones."

"I know, but- they were right, though. Watching myself in the mirror- I'm not like you guys. I'm not built to be a dancer, I'm not good at this. I- I just can't-" Seokmin pushes away from Chan to lean over, his other hand joining the first on his sternum. _'Agh'_ he complains, drawing in a shaky breath. Chan and Junhui both move quickly to prop him up again.

"Minnie? What's wrong?" Junhui asks, brushing Seokmin's sweaty hair from his face.

"I don't- it hurts. My- my chest's all tight, I can't-" Seokmin stutters, wavering on his feet. He hasn't stopped crying- every sentence is interrupted by a broken sob, which only makes it harder for him to explain what he's feeling. He just keeps pressing against his chest, like the harder he pushes, the more it will help. Chan wraps his hands around Seokmin's wrists and pulls his hands away, replacing them with one of his own, only this time rubbing gentle circles instead.

Junhui and Chan are both at a loss, making concerned eye contact with each other and the other members, who don't know what to do either. It's only when Hansol speaks up that they realise the obvious. "Is he having a panic attack?" Hansol asks, coming closer to offer his assistance, resting a hand on Seokmin's lower back.

Jun literally gasps in realisation, kicking himself for not realising before, for wasting time being confused. "Hansol-ah- Come on, Seokie~ let's get you sat down. Over here, that's right." He rambles as the three of them guide him across the room to sit down on the floor, leaning back against the wall.

The rest of the members remain where they are, only Seungcheol following, placing Seokmin's water bottle next to Junhui. "Do you want us to-" He starts, but obviously isn't sure where he's going with it. They're all stunned- why is Seokmin having a panic attack? He's their most light-hearted, cheerful member. How did he get so worked up that he's in this state? How didn't they notice?

"Could you give us some space? We'll get him calmed down. I'll call if we need help." Seungcheol immediately nods, turning to herd the rest of them out of the room- glad to be of some use in this unfamiliar situation. "Thanks, hyung." Seungcheol smiles at him sadly, eyes flitting over Seokmin, before closing the door behind himself.

"What's- I don't understand-" Seokmin asks, choking around his words- every time he doubles over Chan and Hansol pull him back up again, straightening him up so his back is against the wall. It makes it easier to breathe. Junhui moves to kneel in the space between Seokmin's legs- Chan and Hansol are on either side of him- taking Seokmin's jaw in his hands, waiting for his eyes to open and meet his own.

"You're having a panic attack, Seokmin-ah. You're going to be okay, we're going to help you out. I just need you to listen to me." Seokmin nods with another broken sob, his cheeks red and soaked with salty tears. Junhui brushes a few away with the pads of his thumbs. "I know it hurts, sunshine. I'm sorry."

"I feel like I'm dying," Seokmin says, his eyes so serious, and Junhui's heart clenches.

"You're not dying, hyung. I promise you're not dying." Hansol reassures, knowing just how scary panic attacks can be when you feel so out of control of your own body. When you physically can't get any oxygen in your lungs and your head goes funny and it really does feel like you're going to suffocate. "We wouldn't let you die. You're not going anywhere." Seokmin seems to register his words.

Seokmin's breathing is all messed up. It's like he's breathing in but can't seem to breathe out again, his chest stuttering as his body tries to sort it out for him. "Try to relax, hyungie~," Chan says, taking Seokmin's nearest hand in his, stroking over his knuckles and his palm in a slow, repetitive rhythm. Hansol takes his other hand and matches the pattern. "Just like that, Seok," Chan reassures as Seokmin leans his head back against the wall and visibly tries to calm himself down, eyes still locked on Junhui's.

"You're doing so well, Minnie. We just need to slow you're breathing down, okay? Then you'll feel so much better." Junhui promises and Seokmin nods, eyes desperate. Junhui tries not to crack- he needs to be a good hyung for Seokmin. He must be so confused, the pain and fear that come with panic attacks heightened because he's never experienced something like this before. "I'm going to count to four. You know the fours, yeah?"

"I- In for four, hold- hold- out for- out for four." Seokmin stutters around his gasping breaths and Junhui smiles down at him proudly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Seokmin leans into it.

"That's it, baby. Spot on." Junhui praises before he starts counting, noticing out of the corner of his eye that Chan and Hansol adjust their squeezing of Seokmin's hands to match the timing. They're so good at this, he's so proud of them. It takes a bit longer for Seokmin to get a hang of the rhythm than it usually does for the other three, but he gets there eventually. His breathing evens out and he relaxes more once he's getting enough oxygen in, the panic subsiding.

Chan cuddles up to Seokmin's side as the attack comes to an end, hooking an arm around his waist to press against him. Seokmin tilts his head to rest on top of Chan's, closing his eyes. Jun sits back on his heels, squeezing at Hansol's shoulder, who looks just as overwhelmed as the other two. "Have some water, sunshine," Junhui says, bringing Seokmin's water bottle to his lips, passing it to Chan after he's finished, who takes a grateful gulp as well.

"How do you feel?" Jun asks, using one sleeve of his shirt to dab at the tears on Seokmin's cheeks and the sweat on his neck. Seokmin watches him, looking more than exhausted and sad. It's hard to see him like this- this doesn't just happen overnight. One mean comment couldn't have done this to Seokmin, they're used to the bad comments. He must have been agonising over this, thinking he wasn't good enough. How did they miss it?

It's like they're so used to Seokmin cheering then up that they forgot that he's human too. He needs cheering up as well.

Junhui hates the thought that Seokmin hadn't talked to them about this because he's supposed to be the happy one. But more than that, he feels guilty that they've made him feel that way like he can't be upset or feel bad about himself. Like he can't ask for comfort.

"Really bad." Seokmin replies, his voice hoarse. "How do you deal with this? I'm so- that was horrific. It was like I was drowning or- I don't know but- how do you go through that? More than once? I can't-" Seokmin cuts himself off, he's not making any sense. His head is fuzzy and his chest hurts and he just wants to go to bed. He turns his face to nuzzle at Chan's hair.

"It's a lot different when you're used to it." Hansol replies, eyes lowered to the ground. Junhui ruffles his hair until he cracks a sad smile. They all have a lot of talking to do. For now, though, they need to get Seokmin back home and looked after- soup for dinner, maybe a warm bath, then an early night. They can talk tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> in my head, seokmin has been stewing over this for a little while, gradually getting more and more stressed out over it. like, i imagine that they haven't had a full group practise since he started worrying about it, and just seeing himself directly next to the other members, especially the better dancers in the group, had sent him over the edge. it feels sudden in this because it was only a short snapshot, and from the members' perspective it felt sudden because seokmin had been hiding his worries from them, so they didn't know. but in my head, it's not actually sudden- i don't really think it would happen like this if it was. but i didn't do a great job of conveying that.
> 
> yeah i don't really like this, it's not done very well. if i get any suggestions or any inspiration i might come back and improve it but for now i just want to post it so,,, help a girl out, if you want
> 
> hope you liked anyway <3
> 
>  
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> [my tumblr](https://hattieie.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> requested by Milo (sorry friend)


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